When the Cat's Away
by k123
Summary: Castiel's not the only one looking for God. Crossover with Narnia. Slight crack. Timeline? What timeline?


Cas shifts uncomfortably and purposely doesn't look behind him. Sam snickers and Dean gives him this 'are you stupid' look.

"Dude," Dean says. "_Dude_. That chick has been checking you out _all night_. And she is _hot_. Why haven't you made a move yet?"

Castiel doesn't dignify that question with a response. Instead he meditates. Sam's smirk widens. The girl they're talking about continues staring, a kind of tragic, ethereal beauty surrounding her.

Dean rolls his eyes. "Fine. If you're too much of a pussy to talk to her, then I will."

"Oh no," Sam mutters. "This will not end well."

"Hey!" Dean says, feeling slightly offended. "Are you doubting my mojo?"

Sam leans forward, eyes sympathetic. "Dean," Sam says, "I'm just informing you that if you hook up with her, there is a high probability the night will end in salt and fire. Do you really want your last thoughts to be 'oh…_fuck_'?"

Dean leers at Sam. "Hell _yeah_ I do. Besides," Dean says. "I am not the one who attracts demon girls. Remember Ruby? How about Meg? If you want my opinion – "

"I don't!" Sam says cheerfully. His eyes flick past Dean and he beams a wide smile. "Hi. What's your name?"

"Susan," and, oh god, Dean thinks, her voice is _even hotter than her body_.

He turns around, charming yet skeezy smile solidly in place, but she looks right past him, her focus on Cas.

"You won't find him," she says quietly. "No matter how hard you look."

Cas goes rigid (well, more rigid; the angel has perfect posture of course), and stares at the girl with wide eyes.

Sam looks at Dean. Dean glares back. "If you say I told you so…"

"Now Dean," Sam says innocently. "Would I do that?"

"What do you mean," Cas interrupts, "when you say I won't find him?"

Susan snorts, and just like that, the tragic air around her breaks. "Please. You think you're the only one looking for God? Or is it that you think only angels are allowed to look for Him?" She eyes Cas skeptically. "I'll have you know that I spent a lifetime and a half seeking Him out. And you know what I found?" Cas stares at her silently. Susan smile bitterly back at him. "Nothing. But that doesn't surprise you, does it?"

"Why is it always the hot ones," Dean mourns. "Can't we ever have an ugly demon?" He glares at Susan. "When we send you back to hell, tell your friends to take only unattractive people as their hosts."

"Dean!" Cas and Sam say in unison.

"What?" Dean asks. "I was only kidding. Mostly."

Susan grins suddenly at them, wide open and lovely. Dean blinks at her, wondering how this could be the same heartbroken girl from only a few minutes ago. And also wondering what, exactly, she is. She doesn't seem like a demon.

She raises an eyebrow at him. "Buy a girl a drink?"

Dean gazes at her appreciatively. "You look like a woman who appreciates hard liquor."

She leans forward, her hair brushing his arm. "Oh," she murmurs softly, gazing at him. "I seem like the kind of girl who likes it…hard, do I?"

Then she breaks out laughing, which totally ruins the moment. "Just get me a beer." Dean pouts, but it's been a long time since he's met such a gorgeous girl, and even longer since he met one who laughed like that, so he goes to get her a beer.

When he comes back, she's sprawled comfortably at the table, taking up her seat and his, debating theology with Castiel.

"God," Susan says very slowly, like she's talking to a moron, "is an asshole."

"!" Cas says, since he won't let himself curse.

Sam is in tears of laughter. "Dean!" Sam motions to Susan. "Can we keep her? Please?" he brings out the puppy eyes, which is so not necessary considering that the girl is fine, smart, and thinks God is just as much as a douche as Dean does.

Wow, Dean thinks reverently, heaven does have a name. And it's Susan.

A/N So, Susan is around Dean's age, despite the fact that Narnia took place during WWII because I said so. Also, this was supposed to be super angsty with either a Cas/Susan or Lucifer/Susan pairing...but then Dean decided to speak. And it turned into this. Hope you enjoyed it ^_^


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